Most of us are
familiar with the classic book, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, and
the curiosity that begins Alice’s adventure. We see Alice chase the
strange, white rabbit, peering over the edge of a steep incline, before
falling down the deep dark hole, staring upward, watching the world as
she knows it disappearing into a tiny speck of light. But soon, Alice is
engaged in the new and strange world around her, exploring and trying
to figure out just how she might make it home again. As of late, I have
been feeling very much like Alice.
As a frightening pandemic has swept the globe,
we are finding ourselves in new territory. The world as we have known it
is shifting, and we are left wondering if things will ever be the same.
Maybe hoping they will be. Maybe hoping that they won’t. But regardless
of what we hope for, we are faced right now with the changes, the
fears. Families are on top of each other or separated and isolated from
each other until further notice. We are stuck inside. With ourselves.
I never noticed how many mirrors I had in the
house until a few days after our city was put under a mandatory
quarantine order. Every time I look in the mirror I see a different me.
My body distorts. My age changes. Sometimes I’m pretty. Sometimes I put
on a sweater to cover my belly. I have put on makeup a total of one
time. But more than my outer self, I see so many things I have been
ignoring.
This quarantine has forced us inside our homes,
but more than that, it has forced us inside ourselves. It has forced us
to face the mirror and look deeply at “Me.” What have you been avoiding?
What thoughts, ideas, dreams, wishes have you shoved deep down that are
now surfacing? I live in a house of mirrors and dreams. I sleep at
least 10 hours every night. And the nights are filled with dreams.
Dreams of friends I haven’t seen in years, family who have passed to the
next realm, past loves, the family I have and treasure now. I have
dreams of dreams I had forgotten, dreams of eyes glinting in mirrors
that might be mine or might be yours. We’re all disappearing into the
dreamtime, the world that exists inside the looking glass, down the
rabbit hole.
As a lightworker, I talk to people about this
type of work often. Shadow Work and Inner Child Work are different, but
connected. Two sides of the same coin. I have done my fair share of this
type of work and guided others through theirs. Usually, it’s
controlled. We choose to carve out precious time from our hustle and
bustle, to look inward, to pinpoint something we want to focus on. We
pick it up, connect with it, examine it, manipulate it, try to heal from
it, with it… This is not that. This is very much like being picked up
and dropped into an ocean of ice and undercurrent. And there’s only so
much we can do to distract ourselves.
In 2018, I was fortunate enough to become
friends with some of the most fascinating people I have ever known. It
was a magickal year for me and one I will never forget. We did a lot of
work. A lot of predictions were made, by us and by others. All through
2018 and 2019, we worked long and hard, on ourselves and with anyone who
would listen to us. We could see 2020. We saw massive destruction,
world-altering natural disasters, the reclaiming of the Earth by Nature
Herself. But we didn’t see what and where and how. We just knew things
were coming. And come they have. And now we don’t have the security of
the others around us. Because it’s time to come home, to come back to
the self.
Tonight, I looked in the mirror, and I don’t
even know who I am. My identity is so wrapped up in others that I,
alone, feel like a blank slate. In a way, I am a mirror. I see others’
lives and needs and feelings; reflect them back to them so they can make
their choices. Who am I without others? Who have I been? Who do I want
to be? Perhaps a mirror is just that. Perhaps acceptance is needed.
Perhaps I will find another world as I give up control and peer more
deeply into my Self.
This is my journey, but it is also for you. This
is a journey for all of humanity. We share a path, though our journeys
are not the same. We are all one. We are all connected. We are all
falling down the same rabbit hole. We all have a mirror to face. My
journey may not be yours, but I feel you as you feel me. We are destined
to create this existence together. We must allow before we become. The
caterpillar must disintegrate before it becomes a butterfly. And so I
urge you: Let go. Let yourself fall. Lose track of time. Let yourself
sleep. Dance. Howl. Paint. Revel in the dreams. Look in the mirror.
Originally published 4/26/2020